Doors Close, Windows Open...somewhere

I lost my job today.

Wow, that is an inspiring way to start, isn't it? =) Talk about one of those out-of-left-field, hit you in the solar plexus, knock you on your ass moments. The reason given was that my "skills do not match the direction we want to take the department." Uhm.....ok? I seriously think my direct manager had it in for me and did not like me. Granted, the man NEVER talked to me. I have been after him for 4 months to do my annual review. The one I do the most work has never said anything negative to me, which makes this even more shocking. I do so much for her and she has never had a complaint. Why now? What happened? You have to love those questions. There is no answer, you have to pick up your bootstraps and keep on keeping on.

Here's the thing though. A good number of the AE's, EXCEPT the ones that I was supporting told me that it was BS, that I was the best AE they had, that I made things look and sound more professional, that I always had presentations done ahead of schedule, that ...... Basically, I rocked in their mind. And so many of them offered to put out feelers with agencies that they work with to see if there were any openings. That felt so AWESOME! I have never had anyone cry over my leaving, and that happened today. The one downside, is that I did not have the chance to say goodbye in person to everyone that I wanted to. They want to get you out the door as quietly as possible.

I could be pissed off and negative about all of this. I could. I mean, I have had two "adult" jobs in Chicago and been fired from both of them, which is so crazy as I had not been fired from a job before I moved here. Which is really weird that working in Chicago would get me fired TWICE. But that would be destructive and not help, so why bother. So, I am being a dork and quoting a line from The Sound of Music. "When the Lord closes a door, somewhere he opens a window." Which I do believe. The job I just lost was an open window that introduced me to some great people who really touched my life in a positive way and who I hope to stay in contact with.

But now I have to move forward. I have no idea where I am going to go from here, other than do the happy little march down to the unemployment office on Tuesday. Today will probably be spent going through the box of stuff I removed from my desk. I really kept a lot of shoes hidden under my desk.....

Ok, the tequila is kicking in and I am getting loopy. This is as good a place as any to say, "Always look on the bright side of life".....

Auditions 2 & 3

I was not kidding when I said I am going to do this. I am taking 1/2 hour private voice starting in July, looking for an acting coach and am actively looking for a dance studio to get some ballet and maybe tap under my feet. And, I am actively going on auditions. I am not going in expecting to get anything just yet, but to get used to the audition process again and singing in front of people, which is way different from singing in my car. And I do not count karaoke as singing in front of people, cuz I don't sing, I goof off.

So Monday was audition #2 for the Oak Park Players production of "Sunday in the Park with George." I am going to admit that I have NEVER heard it! But, I want to get out there and audition, so what did I have to lose? I worked on "I'm Not That Girl" from Wicked and was prepared to work on it at voice so I could do it with a piano, but that was cancelled last week. Oops. Oh well, I kept working on it and working on it and Monday I felt good! Except I forgot my headshot at home. =( Anyway, I went in, said "hello", told them that it was the first time doing the song with a piano and did really well. I had a couple of slightly sharp notes when I went high, but overall, it was a good performance. The director told me I did very good and as I left the room I thought I heard them say something positive about my tone. Very good experience and had me psyched for today's audition.

Audition #3, a production of "RENT", which I do know. I sang 16 bars from "I'm Not that Girl" and 16 bars from "Out Tonite" and spoke about not being able to say goodbye to my Grandma H when she passed by literal seconds. My neighbor, Emma Frost, came over and helped me work on belting and strengthening my head voice on Tuesday and she also helped me figure out which "RENT" song to sing. Did I oversing today? Did I not warm up enough? I don't know. I do know that I missed the first note of "...Girl" which had not happened in practice or auditions yet and the last note was low. On the upside, the notes that I had problems with before were stronger. "Out Tonite" was a unique beast. I have NEVER heard it with just a piano (hello, I just have the CD's from the movie and show). I did ok, I hit the octave jump pretty well, but it felt....off. Was I trying too hard? I know I am not even in the vocal range for any of the leads, but I wanted the chance to be Mrs. Cohen or Alexi Darling and all of the others those two play. I got a thank you from everyone and I don't think I impressed them at all. Hopefully I did not make a bad impression.

So, what am I taking out of this? 1) REALLY warm up my voice, don't think you have, make sure you have. 2) Confidence. 3) practice with a piano 4) there was some improvement in the fact that the "he could be that boy, but I'm not that girl" did not have sour notes.

Each audition is a chance to be seen and a way to get out there. I have to remind myself that the rejection is in no way personal and that I am not there yet with my voice. Every actor goes through this, and each and every audition is a chance to learn something. I learned that if my voice is scratchy and weird, drink more water and suck on a cough drop, especially when throat coat was not working. AND, I had an improvement over the last one. So, the step forward and the step back met, but the step forward will be the one that will stick. Now I have to look for the next audition! =)

Karaoke

I am not going to lie, I was excited when presented with the option of working karaoke this summer. It would be a way to perform in front of people (which I do not do on my M-F job) and it would be a fun part-time job. And when I went to orientation, I was under the opinion that I would have a decent break schedule.

Well....first lets start with the song selection. Heavy on the teenie bopper, not so much of the things that adults want to sing. No Journey, no Bon Jovi, no Fleetwood Mac...the list goes on and on. But boy, do I have Hannah Montana, Jonas Brothers, Camp Rock and country.

Second...breaks. *sigh* Boy, do I wish I had show breaks or something. I get 45 minutes from lunch, 10 of which are spent walking to and from the breakroom. If I am LUCKY I get a 15 minute break to go refill my water bottle. I don't get the breaks I thought I would when I signed up for this gig.

Finally, and really the most important...people REALLY do not know how to use microphones. Here is a quick lesson. Microphones were designed to pick up sound waves. They are pretty sensitive. Therefore it is not necessary to YELL AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS into one. I seriously have had pain in my left ear for a week because of this. Hearing loss due to people screaming...so not sexy. =)

Not that I mean to complain, but this has just gotten frustrating since I asked for the last weekend in May off so that I can go to my cousin's baby shower and then go to CP to visit my family for probably the ONLY time this summer...and was told that it probably would not be likely because they did not have anyone else to run karaoke! WTF!!! When the park is open during the week right now and I am not there, a manager who is not on OT or incurring OT, mans karaoke and they do not know if they can free someone up to do it once the park is open 7 days/wk. which it will be the weekend I asked off. Oh, did I mention I gave them a MONTHS notice? Yes, one month.

*sigh* I have to go listen to RENT to figure out 1 minute I can sing for an audition I hope I get a time for. Think Positive Mel, think positive.....

AUDITION!

I DID IT!!!! I went to an actual singing audition! Not only was it a singing audition, it was for Telsey & Company (NY casting agents) who are casting "Spiderman: Turn off the Dark." Yes, the title is more than a little cheesy, and I know, a Spiderman musical? Really!?!?!?? Well, the music/lyrics are by Bono and The Edge and the director is going to be Julie Taymor, so what is the harm in trying, right? Yes, I called in sick to work to do it today, but I have no vacations planned and I have only missed 2 days of work this year (both times I was legitimately ill), so.....

Now, I have had some voice lessons, but not many and most of my recent singing experience has been ye olde karaoke at Six Flags where I average about 3 songs a day. Yes, I was in Joseph... in Florida, but I didn't really sing for the audition, I just told them I wanted to know what I had to do to be considered for Mrs. Potiphar. And then they double cast me as a brother. Egads! No, it was fun and thanks to the E2Y Players for that opportunity. Other than that and random karaoke, my singing in public has been next to nil. So, this was a BIG DEAL!

Thing is (and yes, I am straying from the subject for a minute here)...I always let other people determine my happiness. I want to act, but we cannot afford to send you to acting classes. i want to go to an audition, that's nice, I worked all day and don't feel like spending my evening sitting at a theatre. You know, that kind of thing. And I was encouraged to study something "worthwhile" in college...so I always thought about it, but never DID it and along the way I developed a fear, a literal fear of auditions, where it became a thought that I was going to do so bad, why even bother. Problem with that thinking though is that once you start down that path, you start to believe the BS.

Anyway....so, I got up at my usual time today, took the buses to the dance studio and got in line. Was VERY surprised that at 9:30 I was #102! Yeah, shocking. This is Chicago, shouldn't the lines have been longer? Anyway, I sat, talked to the people who were in line before me, sat, listened to the song I was going to sing on my iPod, peed, listened to my iPod, drank some water, did the few vocal warm-ups I remembered from long ago voice lessons, peed again, read a couple of pages of my book, drank more water, continued the trend until a little after noon they called my name. And yes, they butchered my last name! =)

So, time to join ye olde casting line. We are lined up by number to wait in the hallway outside of the audition room. There are some strong belters in the mix! I am thinking to myself that this is just my opportunity to try, and that this is more for me to do it then to actually be considered for a part. Finally, it is almost my turn and the butterflies arrive. Then the person ahead of me leaves the room and it is my turn.

Taking a deep breath I step across the threshold onto the dance floor, shutting the door with a garbage bag over the window gently and say hello to the male and female sitting at the desk. They ask me what I am going to sing and....my brain freezes. I hear the lyrics, but what is the name of the song?? Finally, I tell them, just as I hit the mark. The gentleman tells me that I can begin when I am ready. Deep breath down through the diaphragm, focus and start "The bravest thing, I've ever done...." We had been told in advance that they were going to cut us off after 16 bars, and I didn't want to be cut off, so I pretty much stopped after 4 lines. I kind of wish I had kept going, especially since they had flipped over my pink cover sheet (we all had pink) and were looking over my resume. That's a good sign, right? I thanked them, and walked out of the room. I might have said something else, but I really, honestly do not remember. Once I stepped out and the girl from Battle Creek went in, I started shaking as I gathered my bag and coat. WOW! I just did a musical audition and I sounded better than I ever have!

I am not expecting to hear anything, but just the fact that I did it makes me feel so happy and accomplished. Now, I should probably find a Broadway-esque song for other musical auditions and maybe a rock song sung by a woman......suggestions?

Ten Thousand Eighty Minutes.

Just does not have the same ring as Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand Six Hundred Minutes, but that is pretty much how much time spent from when I sat down to watch Mary Poppins to when I sat down to see RENT.

Some backstory (of course)....I have NEVER seen RENT on stage! When it first came out there was soooo much hype around it that I was not interested. A Tony (ok, that got my interest), a Pulitzer, magazine cover after magazine cover, article after article about the tragedy around it and how great it was all equalled me tuning it out completely. Yes, I heard Seasons of Love, yes, eventually I came to enjoy it, even singing along with it when it played as I walked across Universal Studios on my way in for the day. But I refused to see a non-Equity tour of it, or a tour with American Idol cast-offs. When I had my knee surgery in 2006, my roommate had the DVD of the movie and that is when I first saw it (I think...I do not remember going into theatres to see it, but....it is a possibility). Anyway, that is when I fell in love with the music. I know things got changed for the movie, but it was a good introduction, right? Fast forward to October/November of last year. The show had closed on Broadway and the final performance had been recorded and had a limited theatrical release. I went with one of my co-workers and FELL IN LOVE!! Right then and there I decided that the next time the show came to town I was going to see it!

I loved the staging, the characters, how things felt more fleshed out then in the movie, just loved it. It made sense to me. When we left, I told her "If this EVER comes to Chicago again, I am seeing it!" About a week later, I found out that it was coming with 2 of the Original Broadway Cast members!

Actually, it had 3! Anthony Rapp, Adam Pascall, and Gwen Stewart (Seasons of Love Soloist). OMG!! LOVED IT LOVED IT LOVED IT want to go back and see it again!!!! I honestly cannot put into words how much I loved it. While Mary Poppins got me because I loved the movie and the songs as a girl and the cool technical "stuff", Rent got me with its social commentary and story and songs. It was phenomenal! And getting to see it with people who originated the roles just made it even more special.

At the end of the show, Anthony Rapp spoke about Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS and how the money stays in the local community, and for $20 you could get an autographed playbill. Yeah....I had $20 so I got one! Entire cast signed! I also was fortunate to get my photo taken with the actors who played Collins, Benny and Joanne...all of them were fabulous and I loved the entire experience. Seriously, go see this, do not hold hype against shows, for I have learned my lesson.

However, I do have to give my bad. Loved Anthony Rapp, he is so good. But Adam Pascall....I do not know if it was the night I saw him or what, but his voice was so nasally that it started to bother me. Seriously, it was a bit of an annoyance. And he is in the entire show, so it was a bit of a thorn in my side. This is versus Mary Poppins where the entire cast was spot on and practically perfect. Maybe I judge too harshly, but when you listen to the original cast recording to know you can hear how his voice has deteriorated over the years.

Oh, and did I mention that I got my ticket for $30?? And that I was sitting 6th row center orchestra?? Yeah...I am pretty pleased with myself on that one! =)

Step in Time

I am a bit late on this, but the excitement level is still there.

Last Wednesday, the 25th, I had the priviledge of attending opening night of the national tour of Mary Poppins!

Now, if you know me, you know I love musicals, Julie Andrews and musicals! And that Mary is one of my favorites. I was thankful that I had listened to the London cast recording many times before going (most of the melodies are the same, the new songs blend, but I did not like Super the first time I heard it). And, I had heard of some of the technical stage things that were done on Broadway and London from my reading and talking to people who saw it. But this was the tour, they could not do all that...could they??

First off...I had the original Broadway Mary (Ashley Brown) and the original London and Broadway Bert (Gavin Lee). OMG! Both of them were Practically Perfect! Jane and Michael were perfect and Mr. Banks ... fabulous. Mrs. Banks was a little off, but not enough to be a huge distraction and the rest of the supporting cast was on point.

The house is not the same as it has been on Broadway, but that is probably due more to the challenges of getting it in and out of theatres, but what they came up with worked so perfectly. You got an idea of height when the nursery came down.

I was sitting so that I could see the Stage Right wings, and I loved watching people as they prepped for their entrances. I was watching the stage, but catching that out of the corner of my eye. Watching Ashley get prepped (and raised) for her Act 2 entrance was really cool, especially as she calmly hung there until it was time to grab the kite. Watching the techs get Gavin ready for his dance AROUND the proscenium was cool, and I wanted to take that walk. I still don't know how the cop pulled off his quick change in "Jolly" but it was impressive!! And I watched Mary at the end until I could not see her anymore when she exited the stage at the end of Act 2.

The story is closer to the books than to the movie, which actually works very well. The movie felt like a series of incidents, while the play felt like there was more of a story. The entire family was flawed and needed Mary's fixing. And I loved how Bert flirted with Mary and was hopeful. Mary was a bit of a bitch, but she IS practically perfect.

And the dance numbers...oh, the production numbers! I LOVE the fact that they had a HUGE tap number to "Step in Time." Sometimes it feels like tap numbers are going by the wayside....I wish I could tap. And the lyrics to "Anything is Possible" were fantastic! OMG, I had heard the song before, but seeing it on stage and with some of what is going on in my life made it just more poignant. The line that sticks...
"If you reach for the stars, all you get is the stars,
but we found a whole new spin.
If you reach for the heavens, you get the stars thrown in."

Perfect, just like the show was.

Catching Up

Hi. How are you doing? How has life been? Are you comfy? Do you have a beverage handy? Is everything treating you well? I know it has been a while since last we talked. I cannot even really tell you why that is. I know I had been busy for a while with work and then working out, and then the working out slowed down because of injuries, but why haven't I returned to you?

Let's see...what is new? I injured my non-repaired leg. After going in to have it looked at, they think it is just pre-patella bursitis. I'm on anti-inflammatories and no lower body exercise for 2 weeks. No fun, since that is the type of exercise that I love. Upper body tends to bore me. So, I have to figure out what to do as I have a goal to lose 10 pounds in the next 2 months. Oh--I also go to see a Celiac Specialist who recommended some further tests and recommended a dietician who actually knows something!! YEA!

The only other major news I can think of is that this summer will not be so "Wonder"ful after all. No reason given, so I get to play with Karaoke all summer. OYE! Hopefully I do not embarrass myself TOO much! =)

Other than that, I cannot think of anything else that I want to share here. I also do not know how much personal detail I realy want to put on here anymore, so we will see where the content goes from here....