Today was the day I have been working toward for 3 weeks, the audition I needed to learn my first ever Sondheim piece for....COMPANY! I saw this show in New Orleans and love it. I realize that I am too young for what I want to play and do not have the voice for the other roles I enjoy, but it doesn't hurt to audition, right?
So, I finish up at the Gluten Free Cooking Expo at 1, put on my audition outfit and makeup and try to find Glen Ellyn. I get out there, the theatre is a tiny, old building and they are redoing the floors upstairs, so we go down to the basement greenroom, they welcome us, tell us the plan and then usher all but the first 5 outside to wait, because there is no place else. We are outside about 45 minutes and the heavens open up. Thankfully, a couple people brought their cars around, so I go and wait my turn in one of them. I'm in the 3rd group of 5, so I go in and am the 2nd person to sing. My song is "Losing My Mind" from Follies. It felt like I did really good. I might have had a rough note and I know my tempo was probably a bit off, but to me, it seems like this song is really about the feel and the emotion. I did my best dang it!! After everyone sang, they brought us in to read and I was asked to read for Kathy. Cool, don't think I could sing her song, but lets do her lines! It felt good to me. Lastly was a dance combination, that I got and I thought I did ok on. We finished, thank yous were said and I was off.
On to Oak Lawn for LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS. I really do not think that there is anything in this show for me, but I was going to go audition anyway. First off, they auditioned for this show in a church. I was checking to make sure I wasn't gonna get hit! Second, wrong song for the accompanist. It didn't sound pretty at all! It didn't help that the piano was SERIOUSLY out of tune and I need to hear something approximating my pitches to be on sooo..... Then it was sitting around listening to the rest of the auditionees sing before they sent us off to learn the routine, which was super cute and super fun! While we were learning the routine, they would call people in to read sides. I was called in with 3 other girls and asked to flip between the 3 urchins and Audrey....so we read the scene 4 times! It was fun to do it and even though I am not young and black, I thought I did a good job! And the dance was a blast to actually do, once my feet got it down!
Came home and when I checked my Google Mail, the "Thank You, but NO" note from the group doing COMPANY was already in my inbox. *sigh*
Ok, I have good and bad from each, REALLY need more time with this song and I need an uptempo...and dance lessons! On the other hand, my acting feels like it is getting stronger and I am hearing the good in my voice when singing. Focus on the positives!!!
Showing posts with label the funk. Show all posts
Showing posts with label the funk. Show all posts
28 July 2009
Ebb and Flow
I'm sorry, this probably is not going to be the most fun blog today. But see, the thing is, I don't really have anyone to talk to about what I am thinking. I feel that I have to wear different masks when interacting with different people and I cannot let them drop, not even to my family. With this person I have to be fun and playful, with that one I am their to offer support, with another I am a "big sister" figure and with others I am that random person on the periphery that they say "HI" to once in a while. But I feel like I don't really have anyone that I can share with. So my blog will have to do.
2 years ago I moved to Chicago to "grow up." I had decided that it was time that I had an adult job, earning real money and making a move to have a career. I LOVE(d) performing at Disney, but 2 knee surgeries and various aches and pains later, thought that I could not do it forever and that I needed to move on. Those who know me, know all of the details of the move and the whys and wherefores, so I am not going to rehash them here.
Thing is, I have tried 2 adult jobs and been fired from both of them. The HR Director at my last job told me that now I could go follow my passion and do what I love. Bt I don't have a lot of non-theme park experience in what I love, I am running out of money, earning LESS than I did at Disney, the city of Chicago is draining my money because of stupid reasons (forgetting to get a new city sticker, then ticketing me the day I go buy the new one, being parked on the wrong side of the street on sweeping day cuz there was not a sign near where I parked, etc), and I am frustrated, tired and working my way toward depression.
YES, I have another part-time job leasing apartments. It pays $8/hr plus a set commission on anything I rent, so it will help. But when you go from earning $14/hr to $8 and full-time with benefits to part-time with none, it hurts.
I know myself and I know the signs. I am prepping for a BUNCH of auditions in August and staying positive on that one, but with the rest of my life I feel the big chasm of depression starting to open up and I do not know how to fight it or how much strength I have TO fight it. Granted, I say that now, but knowing me, once I start really sliding I will find a way to pick myself up and fight on and get out.
But do I take a year and try to really break into performing, or do I go after the jobs that will pay the money I need to pay off my student loan debt and live comfortably? And why is it an either/or situation? Oh, I am so confused and lost.
2 years ago I moved to Chicago to "grow up." I had decided that it was time that I had an adult job, earning real money and making a move to have a career. I LOVE(d) performing at Disney, but 2 knee surgeries and various aches and pains later, thought that I could not do it forever and that I needed to move on. Those who know me, know all of the details of the move and the whys and wherefores, so I am not going to rehash them here.
Thing is, I have tried 2 adult jobs and been fired from both of them. The HR Director at my last job told me that now I could go follow my passion and do what I love. Bt I don't have a lot of non-theme park experience in what I love, I am running out of money, earning LESS than I did at Disney, the city of Chicago is draining my money because of stupid reasons (forgetting to get a new city sticker, then ticketing me the day I go buy the new one, being parked on the wrong side of the street on sweeping day cuz there was not a sign near where I parked, etc), and I am frustrated, tired and working my way toward depression.
YES, I have another part-time job leasing apartments. It pays $8/hr plus a set commission on anything I rent, so it will help. But when you go from earning $14/hr to $8 and full-time with benefits to part-time with none, it hurts.
I know myself and I know the signs. I am prepping for a BUNCH of auditions in August and staying positive on that one, but with the rest of my life I feel the big chasm of depression starting to open up and I do not know how to fight it or how much strength I have TO fight it. Granted, I say that now, but knowing me, once I start really sliding I will find a way to pick myself up and fight on and get out.
But do I take a year and try to really break into performing, or do I go after the jobs that will pay the money I need to pay off my student loan debt and live comfortably? And why is it an either/or situation? Oh, I am so confused and lost.
06 July 2009
I've been feeling a little Blue.
Everything is finally catching up to me and I am going to admit here that I am feeling more than a little blue. When I talk to people online they ask me, "What's this I hear about you being depressed?" And I brush it off like it is something I am over because I don't want to trouble them with it. But the truth of the matter is, I am depressed. I HATE the fact that I have no one to go out with here in Chicago or that I hold people at arm's length. I have been this way for so long it is part of my personality and I just don't know how to undo it.
I am scared over going to New Orleans. My last experience there was not the most shining example of me at my best due to some personal drama that was going on at the time. I am scared I burnt some bridges to some people who I really enjoy spending time with. I get that the people I am staying with are super busy, I get it, but I hope I have not totally pissed them off from something in the past that I haven't already apologized for.
Then there is the whole job thing. When I left my job, the HR Director said that now I could go do what I loved doing. Great. What is that exactly? If it is performing, my non-Disney resume is so freaking thin I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I am going to auditions and looking for monolgue material that I like, but it is a battle. In the meantime, what is going to pay my bills? And, even more important, what am I meant to do that will make me happy and not make going into the office a drag???
Did I mention loneliness? Yea, that one is in there too.
I'm sorry to dump on you. I actually don't know if anyone really reads this. But, I needed to talk to someone, so thanks for reading.
In the meantime, I am listening to one of my favorite "pick-me-up" shows -- "The Drowsy Chaperone." Look it up if you haven't heard it, it's great.
I am scared over going to New Orleans. My last experience there was not the most shining example of me at my best due to some personal drama that was going on at the time. I am scared I burnt some bridges to some people who I really enjoy spending time with. I get that the people I am staying with are super busy, I get it, but I hope I have not totally pissed them off from something in the past that I haven't already apologized for.
Then there is the whole job thing. When I left my job, the HR Director said that now I could go do what I loved doing. Great. What is that exactly? If it is performing, my non-Disney resume is so freaking thin I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I am going to auditions and looking for monolgue material that I like, but it is a battle. In the meantime, what is going to pay my bills? And, even more important, what am I meant to do that will make me happy and not make going into the office a drag???
Did I mention loneliness? Yea, that one is in there too.
I'm sorry to dump on you. I actually don't know if anyone really reads this. But, I needed to talk to someone, so thanks for reading.
In the meantime, I am listening to one of my favorite "pick-me-up" shows -- "The Drowsy Chaperone." Look it up if you haven't heard it, it's great.
12 February 2009
Thoughts...
It seems like I tend to update my facebook with things that could sound a little whiny or down. And in looking through some of my blogs, this seems to be a depository for the negative thoughts that run through my head. I do not know if this is because I do not really have anyone to talk to about this or what, but I do not like it. Believe it or not, I try to be a very positive person out in public and with people. Or maybe it is my outlet for the random thoughts that run through my head that I want to get out. I do not know, but I am seriously going to work to change that!!
That being said, I have discovered that I have about a 2 year tolerance for life in the office. The one and only time I worked in an office, I was there about 2 years before I got crazy and moved to Orlando. Then it was everything BUT the office. Now, I am nearing my 2 years in Chicago and I cannot handle it anymore! You know, when someone takes time to write something up on how something is to be done...you know you are not meant to be an assistant when your first thought is that it would be so much faster if they just did it themselves!!! Same when you have to call someone for someone. Yea. Right now, the only time I do not mind things is when I am doing stuff for GotW. And that has 3 games left. Uhm...Houston, I think I have a problem here!!
So, I am looking at looking at options. Maybe it is the economy, maybe it is this fear I have of not being able to pay my bills, but I cannot justify leaving my job with nothing else lined up anymore. But at the same time, I signed a contract with Six Flags saying I would work for them through November 1st. Ok, I have NO INTENTION of working their Halloween event, but that still puts us through Labor Day. Either way, it is performance experience for that resume. And I am going to sit down and get my production resume worked on this week/weekend so that is in better shape, cuz I would like to work for ABC, CBS, NBC, or Fox Sports. Or maybe for a venue doing venue management. Or...maybe finally send my resume and head shot in to Feld entertainment and try to get a job going on tour -- maybe see some of the world and pray that my knee holds up.
I just do not think I can work 8 hours straight at a desk anymore.
In other news, I have become addicted to a series of romantic novels. It is sad and it is killing my good reading. I haven't been to a movie in forever (depressing) and most of the time when I watch TV it is days later on the interweb. What the heck is going on with me?
That being said, some of my co-workers just returned from a 10-day tour of the UK (yea, I was jealous) and they brought me back an AWESOME black and white coaster of the rear view of a real man wearing a kilt properly. My hands just want to reach in, grab and squeeze.....
That being said, I have discovered that I have about a 2 year tolerance for life in the office. The one and only time I worked in an office, I was there about 2 years before I got crazy and moved to Orlando. Then it was everything BUT the office. Now, I am nearing my 2 years in Chicago and I cannot handle it anymore! You know, when someone takes time to write something up on how something is to be done...you know you are not meant to be an assistant when your first thought is that it would be so much faster if they just did it themselves!!! Same when you have to call someone for someone. Yea. Right now, the only time I do not mind things is when I am doing stuff for GotW. And that has 3 games left. Uhm...Houston, I think I have a problem here!!
So, I am looking at looking at options. Maybe it is the economy, maybe it is this fear I have of not being able to pay my bills, but I cannot justify leaving my job with nothing else lined up anymore. But at the same time, I signed a contract with Six Flags saying I would work for them through November 1st. Ok, I have NO INTENTION of working their Halloween event, but that still puts us through Labor Day. Either way, it is performance experience for that resume. And I am going to sit down and get my production resume worked on this week/weekend so that is in better shape, cuz I would like to work for ABC, CBS, NBC, or Fox Sports. Or maybe for a venue doing venue management. Or...maybe finally send my resume and head shot in to Feld entertainment and try to get a job going on tour -- maybe see some of the world and pray that my knee holds up.
I just do not think I can work 8 hours straight at a desk anymore.
In other news, I have become addicted to a series of romantic novels. It is sad and it is killing my good reading. I haven't been to a movie in forever (depressing) and most of the time when I watch TV it is days later on the interweb. What the heck is going on with me?
That being said, some of my co-workers just returned from a 10-day tour of the UK (yea, I was jealous) and they brought me back an AWESOME black and white coaster of the rear view of a real man wearing a kilt properly. My hands just want to reach in, grab and squeeze.....
11 January 2009
Pinch Me
Yes, the song is about depression, but there is also a little bit of hope in there, which is how I am feeling.
This weekend.....was. It started with me not waking up on Saturday until after noon. OOPS! So much for getting out and getting my tire fixed early! I think I finally left my apartment around 4 after watching WGN's broadcast of Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights. *shudder* Uhm...I had watched the original Friday night, and all I am going to say is "WHY DID YOU COME BACK PATRICK!?!?!?!?" It was bad. Painfully bad. Ran to the library, grabbed a CD to add to my iTunes (Absolute Garbage --that is the name of the album, not my opinion of iTunes) and a trashy romance. Sad thing is, I have a HUGE stack of books on my floor to get through that were loaned to me by a friend, plus the stack of books on my bookcase that I have purchased or been given that I have not read. OOPS.
Get to my car, to go run errands, and I have a $100 parking ticket for suppossedly being too close to the fire hydrant. Now, when I parked, there was no snow on the ground and I checked the line and I was even with it. When the ticket was written, you could not see the curb or the yellow line, so where is this coming from??? On the bright side, my next door neighbor, Emma Frost, saw me scraping off my car and heard me muttering and invited me out to drinks with them later at Fat Cat to celebrate her birthday with her friends. Then I took off. Went to Target where I used some of my Christmas money to purchase The Dark Knight, Wall-E and Kung Fu Panda. Still need to get Iron Man and season 3 of The Muppet Show. Granted, the list of movies I want is really long...but that is a good start and I am trying to just get the movies I really love. Then Trader Joe's for some groceries, Whole Foods for some more, then back home where I curled up with some chinese take-out (garlic sauce, not a brown sauce) to watch The Longshots. (not great, but good and enjoyable). finished dinner when Emma knocked on my door (I had thought they were already out) and went out for drinks. OMG!!! What a great group of people!! Emma is an X-man costumer, her guy is a member of the 501st and 2 of her other friends do fantasy costumes! A bunch of them go to conventions every year. I was a bit jealous and wondered why I had never met these people before!! I missed SNL with NPH, and they have only posted 9 clips from the show online, but I think it was worth it.
Today was kinda chill. Overslept again (it is the weekend), watched a bit of football, then went to get my car out and get my front tire looked at and replaced. Went to Firestone near Crunch and they wanted over $400 to replace my tires!! EEP! Throw in the 10.25% sales tax in Chicago and I am going to do some more hunting!! Went to the gas station near me to try to get it repaired, but the tire had 3 holes grouped together that were too big to replace, so I am basically stuck purchasing 4 new tires....although I might do 2 and 2.
Came back home cuz I did not want to spend any more money, and finally got to watch The Longshots and I cleaned the main room of my apartment. Not the most thrilling of weekends, but it is what it is.
On the bright side, I am working on getting out of my funk, and that is ALWAYS a good thing!
This weekend.....was. It started with me not waking up on Saturday until after noon. OOPS! So much for getting out and getting my tire fixed early! I think I finally left my apartment around 4 after watching WGN's broadcast of Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights. *shudder* Uhm...I had watched the original Friday night, and all I am going to say is "WHY DID YOU COME BACK PATRICK!?!?!?!?" It was bad. Painfully bad. Ran to the library, grabbed a CD to add to my iTunes (Absolute Garbage --that is the name of the album, not my opinion of iTunes) and a trashy romance. Sad thing is, I have a HUGE stack of books on my floor to get through that were loaned to me by a friend, plus the stack of books on my bookcase that I have purchased or been given that I have not read. OOPS.
Get to my car, to go run errands, and I have a $100 parking ticket for suppossedly being too close to the fire hydrant. Now, when I parked, there was no snow on the ground and I checked the line and I was even with it. When the ticket was written, you could not see the curb or the yellow line, so where is this coming from??? On the bright side, my next door neighbor, Emma Frost, saw me scraping off my car and heard me muttering and invited me out to drinks with them later at Fat Cat to celebrate her birthday with her friends. Then I took off. Went to Target where I used some of my Christmas money to purchase The Dark Knight, Wall-E and Kung Fu Panda. Still need to get Iron Man and season 3 of The Muppet Show. Granted, the list of movies I want is really long...but that is a good start and I am trying to just get the movies I really love. Then Trader Joe's for some groceries, Whole Foods for some more, then back home where I curled up with some chinese take-out (garlic sauce, not a brown sauce) to watch The Longshots. (not great, but good and enjoyable). finished dinner when Emma knocked on my door (I had thought they were already out) and went out for drinks. OMG!!! What a great group of people!! Emma is an X-man costumer, her guy is a member of the 501st and 2 of her other friends do fantasy costumes! A bunch of them go to conventions every year. I was a bit jealous and wondered why I had never met these people before!! I missed SNL with NPH, and they have only posted 9 clips from the show online, but I think it was worth it.
Today was kinda chill. Overslept again (it is the weekend), watched a bit of football, then went to get my car out and get my front tire looked at and replaced. Went to Firestone near Crunch and they wanted over $400 to replace my tires!! EEP! Throw in the 10.25% sales tax in Chicago and I am going to do some more hunting!! Went to the gas station near me to try to get it repaired, but the tire had 3 holes grouped together that were too big to replace, so I am basically stuck purchasing 4 new tires....although I might do 2 and 2.
Came back home cuz I did not want to spend any more money, and finally got to watch The Longshots and I cleaned the main room of my apartment. Not the most thrilling of weekends, but it is what it is.
On the bright side, I am working on getting out of my funk, and that is ALWAYS a good thing!
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