I've been feeling a little Blue.

Everything is finally catching up to me and I am going to admit here that I am feeling more than a little blue. When I talk to people online they ask me, "What's this I hear about you being depressed?" And I brush it off like it is something I am over because I don't want to trouble them with it. But the truth of the matter is, I am depressed. I HATE the fact that I have no one to go out with here in Chicago or that I hold people at arm's length. I have been this way for so long it is part of my personality and I just don't know how to undo it.

I am scared over going to New Orleans. My last experience there was not the most shining example of me at my best due to some personal drama that was going on at the time. I am scared I burnt some bridges to some people who I really enjoy spending time with. I get that the people I am staying with are super busy, I get it, but I hope I have not totally pissed them off from something in the past that I haven't already apologized for.

Then there is the whole job thing. When I left my job, the HR Director said that now I could go do what I loved doing. Great. What is that exactly? If it is performing, my non-Disney resume is so freaking thin I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I am going to auditions and looking for monolgue material that I like, but it is a battle. In the meantime, what is going to pay my bills? And, even more important, what am I meant to do that will make me happy and not make going into the office a drag???

Did I mention loneliness? Yea, that one is in there too.

I'm sorry to dump on you. I actually don't know if anyone really reads this. But, I needed to talk to someone, so thanks for reading.

In the meantime, I am listening to one of my favorite "pick-me-up" shows -- "The Drowsy Chaperone." Look it up if you haven't heard it, it's great.